Saint Fillan

Hi! I am Saint Fillan, patron saint of insanity and mental disorders. I was born an Irish hermit, but in 717, I moved to Scotland for the amazing caves. There I became a monk. My best feature is my luminous glowing left arm, which comes in sooooo handy while studying and writing in a cave. I also have various powers including the ability to heal the sick. My priory in the Scottish Highlands boast a lovely view and a lake of healing waters called…what else…St. Fillan’s Pool. The mentally ill are either flung into my pool and left tied to my chapel overnight or just left bound in my cave for a day or two. If the bonds are loosened by the time their loved ones come to retrieve them, the cure was successful. Say goodbye to those pesky psychoses!

My most famous miracle took place while I was working one day at the construction site of my new church. I had my trusty old ox, Babe-alon, yoked and pulling all of the heavy materials to and fro. When out of the blue, a wolf came along and killed him! Rather than shoot the wolf, I ministered to him. I told him that the path he was on was not the right one. I explained to him that accepting Jesus Christ as his personal lord and savior would take away his lustful cravings for oxen, little pigs, and grandmas. The wolf was so moved by the Holy Spirit, he offered to be yoked and finish Babe-alon’s work. He dedicated his life to spreading the gospel and vowed to only eat communion wafers for the rest of his days. It was that day that I took on the name Fillan, which means “little wolf.”

I enjoy moonlight swims in my miracle pool, hiking, good books (well, just one actually), dancing to house music in my cave with my arm aglow, Facebooking, and Asian cooking. My favorite movies are One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Sybil, Psycho, Girl Interrupted, and The Shining. I am currently a freelance contractor for The Creator Inc. I resigned from my former position after receiving comments on my annual performance review like “Various legends attribute the most extravagant miracles to Fillan” and “Much of the tradition surrounding Fillan seems to be of purely legendary.”

Thanks for checking out my blog, be sure to visit me on YouTube or Atheist Nexus!

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